Posted by
Arturick on Thursday, November 01, 2007 4:08:48 AM
Today, a customer complained about the "emo kids" in the mall, and how most of them are from Orland (a nearby, wealthy suburb).
"I'm so depressed," the customer said in a mocking tone. "I wanted a Porsche, but daddy bought me a BMW."
"It's like Karl Marx," I replied. "Guy lived off his wife and best friend, hardly worked a day in his life, and wrote a book about the nobility of the working class."
Liberalism and "emo" are both forms of toxic narcissism at heart. The wealthy suburban idiot, disaffected teen, and deluded professor are all generally well off. They live the good life. But, they are so smart... so keyed in to the sufferings of their fellow man... so spiritually bound to Mother Nature that they are wracked with agony over the sad state of the world. The isolation of being so enlightened, yet surrounded by the savage hordes, tears at the fabric of their soul.
Being a liberal Democrat requires you to look at life with several assumptions firmly in place.
Firstly, everyone is scum, except for Democrat politicians, people who contribute to Democrat politicians, and you. Everyone else is out solely for themselves, but are willing to make sacrifices if it somehow hurts a woman, minority, or homosexual. Doctors raise their prices "just because." Your boss is out to screw you. Republican politicians are out to destroy the country for the sheer pleasure of watching everyone burn. Essentially, you could offer the average American a tin of chewing tobacco and a year subscription to "Guns & Ammo" to kill their own mother, and they'd ask, "Buckshot or slugs?"
Second, everyone but you, your father, and Democratic politicians are utterly incompetent. Individuals with firearms will only kill themselves, a member of their family, or their classmates. Abortion must remain legal because most fathers will, at some point, rape and impregnate their daughters. The poor will be poor forever. The middle class will become poor, because they have no idea how to save money or behave vaguely responsibly. The rich will stay rich, but only because they have so much money that they can't possibly run out, no matter how bizarre their fetishes or idiotic their behavior. The rich also control everything, badly, which is why every aspect of life seems somehow cheap, artificial, and unfulfilling.
Third, you deserve everything you ever wanted, but it's been given to Paris Hilton. Stupid society gave all the stupid money to stupid Paris Hilton when they ought to be appreciating your amazingness. Clearly, this indicates that there is no God. People who believe in the Christian God are double stupid, but any god associated with witchcraft, tribal tattoos, or societies that collapsed more than a thousand years ago are cool. Essentially, the liberal ideal would be to sacrifice Paris Hilton to dark powers for magical genital enlargement, then party for the rest of their lives in a mansion while, between abortions, pontificating on the virtues of hard work and blue collar families.
Finally, anything that contradicts your worldview is a lie, and paradoxes are perfectly acceptable. It is fine, for instance, for a wealthy, powerful, black man to insist that America condemns all black men to lives of powerless poverty. The fact that the average Democrat politician rose to power by doing the things he would then forbid anyone else from doing is perfectly okay. There is no shame in taking a private jet to a conference on excessive fuel consumption. Religion is a dangerous mental illness, but we must not do or say anything to offend the religious, unless they are Christian. The government must protect us from all harm while being completely unaware of our activities.
Oh, and despite being wolf-ugly, degenerate, lazy, stupid, Stalinist whackjobs, we must maintain a high level of self-esteem. Otherwise, we might start thinking that we don't deserve all our dreams coming true without *gag* hard work.